


We're Only Fools Here

by ashbird (sunwreck)



Category: Eroica Yori Ai o Komete | From Eroica with Love
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, M/M, klaus is here so we need a rating for his mouth, no beta we die like men, take it like a drabble because there's a reason why i don't write long fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 00:07:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19366372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunwreck/pseuds/ashbird
Summary: For a moment, the Major let the weight of disappointed silence speak for itself. "You're willing to allow the possibility of enemy agents gaining access to your home, Agent B? The KGB are not friendly neighbors to invite over for tea."





	We're Only Fools Here

**Author's Note:**

> i read something some time ago that said that you're not desperate for fanfic until you realize you're sitting in front of a wordpad document writing your own fanfics, and that is something so very accurate when i got into this fandom. ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚so desperate even knowing i'm the type of writer that dives in hard and burns out fast. so here you go.
> 
> incomplete, please read with caution because fic probably will not go further unless something lights me on fire again. this was originally one of a handful of spin-offs from the yuletide fic for tangerine...

The brief static of the radio cut off with an abrupt click.

Klaus woke up with a mental jerk in the backseat of a black Benz.

A quick review of his memories told him he was no longer in enemy custody - therefore, safe. His internal clock informed him that thirty minutes had not yet passed. Z was not due to wake him up until about seven minutes later.

Klaus shifted his arm from his eyes and blearily cracked an eye open. No sounds of impending gunfire; no explosions or screams of distress. _Not an emergency then._ The Major closed his eye again and tried to force himself back to sleep. His body stung with the ache of bruises and lacerations; his face likely looked like he'd fallen head first down a set of stairs, twice. A dull throbbing at the back of his head sent persistent reminders of how much of a return he owed Mischa for the punches, and he always repaid those offenses _twice over._

Despite having his eyes closed, Klaus could still feel the weight of someone's gaze on him. It made sleep distinctly impossible, even when he considered using a nursery rhyme. Klaus opened both eyes to level a glare meant to instill the fear of Alaska into his subordinate's head. "What is it, Agent B? It'd better be good. And face the front, no need to make yourself look suspicious."

"S-sir." The man obediently twisted his head back to the front of the car like his life depended on it. Agent B didn't look any less inconspicuous.

If he didn't have anything good to say, Klaus could also settle for a box of cigarettes as a secondary means of appeasement. But, on an offhand note, he also prayed it wasn't about Eroica. Only God knew, worry over whether the thief was about to cause headache-inducing fireworks for the Hell of it was not what he needed today.

The world spun as Klaus sat up. He was minutely glad for the car's tinted windows.

"Headquarters just sent out an alert, sir," B started nervously, like he knew the Major would definitely not like the news. He didn't. “NATO placed Colonel Müller in charge of the Alphabet, and they put out a notice for you to be apprehended immediately to all agents and local law enforcement."

 _Scheisse_ , that bit of news was even worse than two Eroica combined.

Klaus passed the last two days locked in a warehouse with Mischa and several other KGB agents for company, most of which he spent tied to a chair. Two days of gritting his teeth and taking the abuse, and then taunted with the fact that there was a double agent compromising the mission NATO sent his team on from the start. The bugger hasn't intended for the informant nor the microfilm to make it to headquarters, at least intact.

Worse of all, somebody impersonating Klaus was frolicking around, working overtime by planting evidence of his betrayal to NATO and murdering people of particular importance in cold blood. With his god damn magnum.

 _Hah. Me cooperating with those commies?_ While anyone who had heard even a whisper of Iron Klaus knew better, Klaus also made enough enemies in NATO's hierarchy that blind eyes could be turned from years of service. Colonel Müller readily took advantage of his lack of popularity to fan the flames, that hateful bastard. Still, there was no need to panic. Klaus could reduce the utter chaos of the last few days to simple missions to undertake. _Make sure the informant for original mission is secured. Find evidence of double agent. Wring that poser's neck._

Leaning back against his seat, the Major looked out the window where they passed buildings at a harried pace. His thoughts swirled restlessly, picked at options, and then threw them away. He glanced towards the agents at the front seats and met B's eyes in the mirror, tapping two fingers to his lips.

Agent B stared blankly at him. Klaus sighed audibly, too tired and nicotine-deprived to give even a token yell. "Well, continue! Where are the rest of the Alphabets?"

"Agents A and G canvased the building where the informant hid the microfilm, sir." Agent Z answered promptly to give Agent B a break, not looking away from the road. He also passed a box of cigarettes back to the Major. Klaus was thankful at least Agent Z was reliable. "They radioed in a few minutes ago. They'll be with Agent C, D and E at a new location, with Mr. Schmidt, when we arrive. The rest of the Alphabets were recalled to HQ not too long ago... on Colonel Müller's orders." Something hesitant lingered in Agent Z's voice.

Anger flared as Klaus curled his hand into a fist, thumping it once against the window. The two agents in the front seats jumped but said nothing. Seven Alphabets available out of the twenty-six to use.

He rolled the window down a few inches and tried to light up a cigarette, mulling over the new information. In between the rapid clicks of his lighter, Klaus paused.

There were no other safehouses nearby. Not that they would be options either way. With there being a double agent working for the Russians, the KGB would be as aware of any of those locations as Klaus and the Alphabet were. No such place would be safe. So where could they go?

"Where is the new location now?" Both agents flinched at the question. Ah, so he'd managed to pinpoint the issue then.

Klaus' lip twisted into a renewed scowl.

"My place... was nearby, sir."

For a moment, the Major let the weight of disappointed silence speak for itself. "You're willing to allow the possibility of enemy agents gaining access to your home, Agent B? The KGB are not friendly neighbors to invite over for tea."

Agent B naturally paled. Whether it was due to Klaus' disapproval or what his suggestion implied, Klaus didn't know and didn't care. "I-I am aware, Major," B began nervously. "But they wouldn't think we'd take such actions, sir! And, your reputation depends on the success of the mission!"

That didn't take all the problems out of the equation, Klaus wanted to say. B's misguided sense of loyalty aside, Klaus still didn't find the idea of getting the personal lives of his agents involved in the world of international espionage ideal. He almost preferred an abandoned cabin in Alaska, surrounded by wolves and enemy agents. At least then, he'd have immediate targets to shoot. "Agent B," he called the man to attention again. "Your wife and child?" _Please have sent them elsewhere,_ Klaus thought with a dim hope.

Agent Z kept his eyes on the road. B looked anywhere else but at the Major. "...At home, sir."

Klaus prayed for patience and counted to ten in his mind.

When that didn't help, he filled the Benz with enough colorful swearing for the next ten minutes. It would have been at least fifteen had his head not been pounding. Afterwards, he rubbed the bridge of his nose as a vivid flash of blond hair appeared in his mind's eye. Well, at least Eroica wasn't around to muck things up further.

 

* * *

 

Upon arrival at Agent B's rented apartment, Klaus dutifully began to take mental notes. The lawn was slightly on the long side, but relatively tidy. All the shrubbery could definitely use some trimming; they'd make good places for enemies to hide behind. Some parts of the roof could use new tiles. The neighbors that were walking by looked friendly, but not too nosy. None had the thick, black sunglasses that screamed KGB agent, thankfully. To make sure he didn't pique their curiosity, Klaus himself wore a pair of tinted sunglasses to cover up some of the bruises on his face.

Agent B showed them up the stairs to his door. Upon entrance, Klaus scanned the entryway. The warm atmosphere of a cozy family buffeted him. Pictures of B, his wife, and their child lined the hall from where he stood. A child's toy peeked out from beneath a side table. Why B thought it'd be worth bringing in the mess of espionage into this was beyond Klaus' reasoning. However, all train of thought ceased when mellifluous laughter welcomed them further in, soon followed by familiar chatter.

Klaus knew that voice; he knew that voice _too well._

Klaus leapt into motion almost on autopilot, following the sounds through the house to find Dorian Red Gloria, Earl of Gloria, seated on a wide sofa, holding court with his agents, the informant, Bonham, and Agent B's wife. The latter flanked Eroica with Agent G, while the rest of the men settled in different areas around the room. They weren't surrounding Eroica per se, but they might as well have for all the attention focused and revolving around the thief. Not surprising, as Eroica had an innate charisma, when he wasn't playing at being an air-headed blond twit (but sometimes even then), an irresistible magnetism that drew people with or without consent.

"And so---"

"What the _fuck_ are you doing here?" Klaus snarled, loud enough that his own voice threatened to set off another headache. Several sets of alarmed eyes snapped to him like deer in front of headlights. A head peered out from another room, revealing another one of Eroica's crew. Z and B skidded to a halt behind the Major, peeking in with wide eyes at the scene.

Agent A's attempt at explanation started with, "Sir, we can explain---"

Dorian perked up at Klaus' voice and his attention snapped instantly to the Major. The Earl's unapologetic blue eyes sparkled with stark delight. "Darling!" He threw the greeting out unabashedly, but then his voice dropped to scolding. "That's not something you should say around children!" Eroica had the audacity to shoot him a scandalized look. Agent B's wife didn't look too far off from doing the same.

"Don't call me that!" Klaus took another look at the room and found the child in question watching him from near the Earl's feet, his mouth curiously forming a word. _Oh, fuck._

Deciding he had no desire to find out what particular word the kid had just learned, Klaus set his attention back to his personal source of mayhem. He pointed a finger at the thief. "You! Come here!"

Eroica looked amused and unthreatened, but he set his cup of tea down all the same and headed straight for the Major. Klaus promptly grabbed his arm and hauled him out of the room.

"Sir..." Agent Z took a hesitant step to follow them, perhaps to ensure no civilian thieves were actually harmed in the process of interrogation. They didn't need their superior committing actual murder on their plate. Klaus sent a pointed scowl the agent's way.

"Have A set up a meeting room. C and D stays with the informant at all times. E with the radio. As for you, go with B and make sure the apartment is secured," Klaus instructed before slamming a door between them. _"Be discreet!"_

As soon as the door clicked shut, he slammed Eroica against an open space on wall. Picture frames rattled around them and, thankfully, didn't fall. "What are you doing here?" Klaus demanded, digging his fingers into the thief's shoulders. He wanted to shake the man a few times to see what would fall out of that blond head of his, but he didn't think the wall could handle it.

Eroica didn't give an immediate response. His blue eyes focused on his face, but not quite looking _at_ him. His hand rose and ghosted over Klaus' cheek, softly affectionate and curious. It traced the bruises darkening his profile and the cut on the side of his head before lifting the glasses enough to inspect the damage around one eye. Klaus could feel the faint calluses on thief's fingertips, from swordplay and an infinite other skills he took to practicing when he had the whim. The Major wouldn't have expected any at all from someone who looked and fluttered around like the Earl. A part of him wanted to shrug the hand off; another wanted to lean into it.

If any of the Alphabets watched the scene, their jaws would drop in disbelief. The Major was allowing Eroica touch him?

At last, Eroica spoke, breezy and lighthearted, "Why, Major, I heard you were in trouble. Why wouldn't I come take a look if the light and love of my life is facing eminent danger?"

"Stop that foppish nonsense." Klaus pressed Dorian harder against the wall emphatically before relaxing his hold. The initial anger faded, but what was left did not leave Klaus in any better state. "...I told you to stay away from my work."

"Klaus," Dorian leaned forward to whisper his name into his ear, using a husky voice that should have been solely reserved for a more private setting. _Scheisse_. Klaus froze in spite of himself as the Earl began to shift underneath his hands, delicately winding his arms around his torso like a man about to embrace a skittish tiger. Those long, sensitive fingers moved and stroked his spine, coaxing out a shudder that eased away some of the tension that had settled deep into his bones. "Are you expecting me to sit and wait for you at home like a good wife, then?"

The blond thief paused to let that imagery sink in. Despite Dorian's affinity for disguising as women, they both knew that would never happen.

Klaus lifted a hand against the side of the thief's face. As usual, the thief had no qualms about leaning into his touch. A turn of the blond head had his lips pressing a kiss to Klaus' palm, where the warmth of Dorian's breath sent an electric sensation down into his gut. However, the Major forced himself to stop from going any further. The current mission took priority and Dorian was hardly going to be the one controlling himself. He pushed the Earl to arm's length, meeting the thief's gaze to try and emphasize a point.

"Espionage is more dangerous than stealing art from museums," Klaus reminded.

"Ah, but isn't a thief exactly what you need, though?" Dorian flashed him a dazzling, thousand-watt smile. "Your Alphabet filled me in while I was here. They're very accommodating."

Klaus closed his eyes and tilted his head towards the ceiling. He told himself that he wasn't going to send all his agents to Alaska. Again. The amount of paperwork from the first time still fueled certain nightmares.

"Though, in actuality, your Chief phoned London to tell me you might need help. I just followed the bread crumbs and some KGB agents afterwards."

"That fat, perverted walrus?!" Klaus stiffened up like a board; he didn't know which statement appalled him more.

"Oh, yes. Called from a payphone, even. He sounded truly worried, you know. That's why I thought you might actually need the help." Dorian chuckled at Klaus' reaction, knowing his words weren't helping things at all.

"NATO is compromised. You shouldn't trust just anyone, much less the Chief." Klaus frowned, tone turning flinty. "Why did he call you? Does he know something about us?"

"No." Dorian looked thoughtful as he spoke, though his eyes sparkled in amusement. "But I think he's genuine, and I've proven over the years that I'm loyal to you, haven't I?"

Klaus snorted. The statement felt like an understatement, given Dorian's inconvenient habit of professing his love in the most public setting possible. He nudged the conversation back on to relevant points. "And you followed the KGB?"

"Well, not _me_. I think Mischa can spot me from a mile away these days, and there wasn't enough time for an elaborate disguise. Ah, but I did coincidentally run into Agent G! I followed him and Agent A here with Bonham. Be a dear and don't be too mad at them?" For anyone else, 'coincidentally' finding his agents out of the entire population of Germany would be suspicious. However, fate seemed to enjoy driving Klaus insane. It would have thrown the thief at him even if he wandered around without a map in the middle of nowhere. "John Paul followed the Russians; he's very good. He left me an address." Dorian did a little wriggle to retrieve a slip of paper from his pocket while Klaus had the distant realization Dorian was wearing a pair of obscenely tight red pants. How was it even possible to walk in them?

"Here you go, darling." Dorian pushed the paper into the palm of his hand. He angled his head to the side so he looked at the Major through slightly lowered lashes. "Don't I deserve a little reward...?"

Klaus closed his fist around the address, caught by the look. "You-..."

"...Major? Lord Gloria?" A knock sounded on the door, cutting through their conversation and what might have followed. It was Agent G's voice.

Muffled murmuring sounded beyond the door - something about the Major killing Eroica and trying to hide the body under B's bed. His agents didn't seem to be in any hurry to face his wrath nor did they seem to be aware both he and Eroica could overhear their entire conversation.

Klaus glanced back at Dorian. Despite the interruption, the thief had a little grin on his face, appearing terribly amused by the discussion outside.

When Klaus finally given into Dorian's advances, he'd sat him down afterwards and told him they couldn't make their relationship public. The Earl hadn't protested as much as Klaus expected him to. Or rather, Klaus found the next time they ran into each other, Eroica actually seemed to _revel_ in the secrecy. He took it as a personal challenge on how much he could get away with without the Alphabets or any of Klaus' superiors noticing.

"Well, shall we get started on the planning before they break in, Major?" The thief made a small movement towards the door, but was stopped by the Major's arm obstructing his path.

Taking advantage of the thief's distraction, Klaus curled his freehand around the back of the man's neck. His fingers slid into blond curls, tangling and gripping tight to pull Dorian against him. The Earl's body was warm, all sleek muscle instead of the softness expected from a woman. Klaus turned his head a fraction and pressed a kiss to Dorian's mouth, swallowing the ensuing gasp of surprise that quickly gave way to a quiet moan of pleasure. The thief's hands found purchase in the back of Klaus' coat, but the Major didn't intend for this to last long. There would be time for that, eventually, but later.

There. Reward given, Klaus slowly released his hold on Dorian, feeling a vague satisfaction at the sight of the Earl's dazed expression. No matter their relationship, knocking the thief's feet from under him felt good, and if he couldn't do it literally now that they were lovers, he had to make do with some other way.

His thumb smoothed over the thief's bruised lips before his hand dropped to his side. Klaus hoped none of his agents were particularly observant today. "Let's go."

**Author's Note:**

> i am primarily a reader, so i don't like knowing what's ahead of my own ideas so i failed to outline anything and then fizzled out /draws circles on the ground uselessly/ i'm not meant to be a writer, soz ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿
> 
> i migrated to being a fan of chinese light novels... and then migrated to an old cartoon i liked... but they're all tiny fandoms. why do i do this to myself. wuwuwu-- ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚


End file.
